.... BUT NOT THE BEST OF ME!
It had been a while since the Universe gave me a slap down... a year at least! But, as the Universe does, it promptly gave my body a physical manifestation of some un dealt with emotions that I had set aside to "feel later". Because after all, I was busy!
When I made the decision to move from San Francisco in 2015, I was deciding between moving back to Atlanta to be closer to my family, or to Los Angeles to live a dream of having an ocean view near a warm beach. My research into each city held a strong case for my work and goals, however Atlanta held a potential opportunity that would invite me to show up in the Sound Healing Industry in a big way.
So! I did what all people do when making a big decision like that! ...I created ceremony, became still, and meditated on it! :o)
I went within to experience what it actually felt like in my body to make the decision either way. What felt most exciting was to check out this potential opportunity in Atlanta, even though there were no contracts, no promises.... Just talks of us working together to materialize an idea we were passionate about.
I know Im being vague on the WHO and the WHAT... there is a reason, and I will get to later.
SO! I MOVED TO ATLANTA!
I was here and sent an email to follow up to say I HAVE ARRIVED and ready to do this! I WAS PUMPED!!!
Well, my timing was off because it was around Christmas... so, we postponed talks to January. January became February, February to March. Finally in March we started REAL TALK about our vision and what it looked like together. A few more meetings, and a few months later, after I had asked for us to come up with a description of each of our roles and responsibilities, and contract, our final meeting was my business partner gleefully telling me that they had moved on from the project without me and with a few other people.
I was blindsided. Dumbfounded. And deeply hurt.
I had to fly out to San Francisco in the next couple of days and there was still so much to prepare for. I went from that meeting, right into work mode. Prepared for my trip. Went on my trip. Did business. Flew back. Numb. The whole time numb to my feelings because I had to get this work done. THIS was an important trip! Well, right when I got back my health started to fall apart.
It started with moments where I noticed I wasn't getting a full breath. Then I started to notice that my sleep patterns were off... but I immediately assigned that to the time difference and travel. I started to to notice that I was gaining weight, having a hard time focussing and getting things done, and I was just worn; out all the time.
Catching a full breath became harder and harder where it was creating pressure in the middle of my chest. And then, I went into a full anxiety attack! I couldn't catch my breath, I was sweating, and my vision went blurry...
I did all the things I knew to do:
+Played a drum to chest
+Cleared my schedule so I could sleep more
+Started eating food that was easily digestible to support my immune system
+Made sure to take my supplements
+I even played specific frequencies to support my lungs!
I finally went to the doctor. The family doctor ran a bunch of tests and found that I had inflammation in the arteries of my heart that was restricting blood flow and having an impact on my breathing... I was then referred to a cardiologist. My physical stress test came back saying I was above average for my age!
SO WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON!
After talking more with my cardiologist, he asked me a question I never thought I would hear from a medical doctor... he asked me about stuck emotions and if I had anything I needed to deal with?
Of course he was right... I hadn't dealt with the emotions I had felt from that day. I hadn't allowed myself to feel anything at all! So, I did what any respectful sound healer would do...
I went and had the UGLY CRY.
I took the weekend to explore this, and supported myself with sound healing, meditation, yoga, writing, preparing healthy nourishing food, several epsom salt baths, and plenty of sleep.
As you can see, I didn't call out the person or name the project I moved here to work on. That is irrelevant. The point I want to make in sharing this experience is that I had all of these tools. All of these things to support in the recovery of my ailments, but it didn't matter how much I did or how healthy I ate. All those things are like flipping the couch cushion over when you spilled your spaghetti!
Yes, its helpful in the moment. It will event feel good to flip that cushion over! But if you don't actually put some cleaning supplies to it you may be stuck with a stain! Its not about applying a temporary solution. The issue is still there, buried, and manifesting!
And our spirit WILL NOT allow us to burry our authentic truth!
Because of this, it starts to manifest limitations in the physical body to get us to pay attention!
It was about solving the root cause of the problem... and the root cause of un dealt emotions had manifested in my body as inflammation in the arteries of my heart causing breathing issues.
I hadn't dealt with the emotion. Once I did, the problem went away.
Where in your life have you experienced something like this? Are you experiencing any health issue now? Is there anything you are suppressing?
If you feel open to sharing in the comments below! I would love to hear your story of how you have overcome stuck emotions
Love you guys!